Stress

The word "stress" seems to have become a regular part of my everyday life lately, and I hate that! While I tend to think I work better under stress when it comes to things such as school, other stressors have been invading my life lately. The major one is money... it just seems to happen every year about this time, when unexpected bills seem to come up when Christmas is right around the corner! I know it probably just seems this way every year because of the added expenses of Christmas, and since it is my favorite holiday, I just wish it was a little less stressful. And since I know it always works out somehow, I'm trying to just remind myself of that whenever the unexpected expenses come up. A few things that help me to relax when I am stressed are reading and watching TV or a movie....it seems to help if I can get "lost" in another world for a few hours, and then I can come back into reality feeling more relaxed, and since I have been reading a book for our book report coming up, that is what I have been doing lately when I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed, and it has been helping!

Enhancing Relationships

One relationship that i am struggling with right now is with my mother-in-law. A few weeks ago some things were said (on Facebook, no less) where she was posting things on my status that were attacking towards my best friend and me & my character. Needless to say, I hate drama and try to eliminate it from my life as much as possible, so I deleted her from there. She commented that we need to settle this, and while I was extremely angry at first because of the things she said, I have come to realize that we do need to settle it. The thing that I'm having a problem with is that in the 15 years that i have been married to her son, we have NEVER had a problem to this extent. She is very gossipy and loves to talk about other people, and while I'm sure she has probably said things about me, i have never heard them directly, and I'm feeling extremely hurt by the things she said to me. I also know that i did nothing wrong, i did not provoke it in any way & i did not say attacking things towards her, however in order for us to settle this i know i am going to have to make the 1st move, because she won't. She is the type to not talk things out, ignore them and they will go away, however i cannot do that. I know that until i express to her how she hurt me & how our relationship will now never be the same, i cannot be around her, because i am not the type of person to just act like nothing ever happened. So with the holidays coming up soon, the thing that I can do to somewhat restore this relationship will be to start with an email to her letting her know that I am open to settling this & figuring out when we can get together and talk. Wish me luck!!!!

Eating Disorders

I heard about the death of the WSC student on the news last weekend. I was shocked to hear that a student from here passed away, and when I heard that she had been suffering from an eating disorder, I felt deeply saddened. I am a recovering addict and when I heard of this student's death, I found myself thinking the same as when I hear of an addict's death, it is such a sad and senseless way to die. Because, just like an alcoholic or a drug addict, a person suffering from anorexia has an addiction, it's just a different form of addiction.
While this is a very sad and senseless way to die, and I am deeply saddened for her family and friends, it also helps to reinforce me in my recovery and help me to be so grateful that I am no longer suffering. It also helps to reinforce my decision to pursue my education to become a counselor, because unfortunately there will always be many out there who suffer in their disease/addiction and who need our help!
I will be praying for her family and friends and continue to pray for everyone who is still suffering.

My personal growth

While I have been taking care of myself better mentally & spiritually, I have not done quite so well on my goal of exercising, in fact it has been pretty much nonexistent, and I don't see my motivation getting much better now that it is getting colder! Especially since I tend to go into hibernation mode when it gets cold and only go out of the house if I have to! I am still trying to make healthier food choices for myself though, so I guess that's a plus! One thing that is getting better is my bad habit of procrastinating. I am trying to get my homework done on a more timely basis, instead of waiting until the last minute and stressing myself out so much, and this is what I am focusing on more these days! We did go and get a newer car this weekend, so that is one stressor that has been relieved because my car was getting to not be so reliable anymore!

Be who you are

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are" -Kurt Cobain
This quote rings true for me more now in my life than it ever has before. I think the reason is partly because it has come with experiences and age. When I was younger, I used to waste so much time worrying about what people thought of me because of the way I looked or the things that I said. I wanted to have hair like this person or to have a body like that person...such a waste of time. Now, I very rarely put that much thought into what others think of me or in trying to change myself to try to be like others. If I want to change something about myself, it is for me and no one else. I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin and love myself and the person that I am, because I am great just the way I am. I have a great family, I have great friends, and an amazing husband and they all love me because of who I am, not because of something I am trying to be that I'm not. I believe that we are all put on this earth for a reason, no matter how big or small that reason may be, and we will never know the reason why if we are wasting our time trying to be like someone else. To thine own self be true!!!!

An update on me!!

Well I'm still working on things with myself such as patience (a daily battle!), putting myself on my list of important things to take care of (some days are better than others), and my health, well...I'm still a smoker and the exercise thing isn't going as well as I'd like, but I haven't given up on it yet, so that's a good sign!! I'm still trying everyday to see myself as I am and to treat myself kindly and respectfully and again, some days are better than others.
One thing that I have added to my things to change is my time management skills. I am a big-time procrastinator and often leave things until the last minute and then wonder why I am so stressed out. So hopefully that will get better!
I had a great weekend! On Saturday I watched my nieces and my nephew and we went to the parade, out to eat, and then to Ta-Ha for a few hours so they could play. Their ages are 4, 5, and 6 so needless to say, I was wore out by the time we went home!! Then on Sunday my husband & I just relaxed at home by watching some football and taking a nap. I love fall & it is nice that things are starting to slow down a little now that summer is coming to an end. NOT ready for winter though!!
Another great thing is that I am going to be getting a newer car in a few weeks!! It is nicer and will be much more reliable than what I am currently driving so I can't wait!! Well that's about it for now, ttyl!!

Self-concept

I do agree with the self-concept statement that "to a large extent, your self-concept is formed by what others tell you about yourself, especially during the formative years of childhood". During these years is when we are trying to learn who we are and a great impact on what we think of ourselves comes from our parents, friends and teachers.

The experiences that I have had in my formative years that helped shape my self-concept have been both good and bad. I will start with the bad. My father left the home when I was 3 and hasn't ever been overly involved in my life, which left me with a feeling of abandonement. While I know my husband loves me unconditionally, I still sometimes question it and why he is with me. We have been married for 15 years and while this feeling has diminished some over the years, I don't know if it will ever completely go away. Also, when I was about 5 or 6, I was sexually abused by my aunt's boyfriend at the time and never told my mother about it until I was 16 years old. When I became sexually active, I tended to equate sex with love and still sometimes have a problem distinguishing between the two in my own life, but not when it comes to other people's relationships and when looking at it as an outsider.

Now the good. I have an absolute wonderful mother who is the one person in my life who has always been there for me, no matter what, and who has never let me down. She parented with mostly an authoritative style, with a little bit of permissive style in there too. She always made me feel that I could do and be anything I wanted and tried her best to make me realize my self-worth. I think that today I have a really good self-concept, and while as an adult I have had to come to know who I am and accept myself, I am thankful that the positive thoughts were planted in my head by my mother, it just took me awhile to allow them to grow.